What if you are an individual who wishes to stop drinking, who has attempted AA and treatment programs, and simply can't stop? What might be taking place here?
Frequently, the pain you want avoid is the discomfort of solitude and inner aloneness. The aloneness is brought on by inner disconnection, and the isolation is brought on by not getting in touch with others.
Often, the situation you are in is incredibly lonesome and unpleasant; yet leaving the circumstance may appear even more uncomfortable.
For instance, Sally married a man she thought was kind and caring. But after they had a kid and experienced monetary stress, he became verbally violent to her and to the kids. Alcohol had actually always been a part of her life, but she started to abuse it when the pain and stress of her marital relationship became too terrific for her to deal with. Due to her fear of her household's judgment and her 2 kids, Sally did not wish to leave her marital relationship.
Sally felt stuck between a rock and a tough location. If she remained, she would have to continue to be at the other end of her controlling, angry, clingy, blaming, judgmental partner. Sally felt extremely lonely with him and suffocated by him - feeling like she had to tow the line and do exactly what he desired or be at the other end of his rage. Whenever he would assault her with his anger and criticism, she would overtly offer in, but discreetly numb out and withstand him with her drinking. Her partner, Sam, hated her drinking, and would become a lot more controlling. However for Sally, drinking was the only way she understood to endure the discomfort of his insults while discovering some way to withstand his control. Not knowing how to take care of herself with her hubby, she offered herself up, creating the inner loneliness.
If she left, she believed she would have to deal with the anger and judgment of her parents and brother or sisters. No one in her family had actually ever been separated. Sally was horrified of being castaway from her family of origin. She believed that the discomfort of leaving would be worse than the discomfort of staying - that she would end up sensation even lonelier.
Sally aimed to learn how to speak up for herself, but this just brought more abuse. From Sally's viewpoint, there was no chance out besides to numb the pain through drinking.
As long as Sally thought that she could be all right just though the approval of others, she stayed stuck and unable to stop drinking. However Sally chose to obtain some aid in learning how to take caring care of herself.
Sally grew up being the great lady in her family, the individual who cared for everyone else's sensations and needs. She found out well to overlook her own sensations and requirements. When she started counseling with me, she really had no idea why she drank.
As Sally began to tune into her own feelings and discovered to get in touch with a spiritual Source of love and comfort, she recognized that keeping herself and her kids in a violent scenario was not caring to anybody. She asked her husband to join her in therapy, however he declined. Summoning her guts, she left her partner - and discovered that her household was in fact alleviated for her! They had been extremely anxious about her, however had actually not desired to interfere.
When Sally not felt trapped and suffocated, her desire to consume disappeared. She was so excited to be able to be herself. "I simply could not be myself with Sam. No matter what I did, it was incorrect, unless I did exactly what he desired me to do. It is such a relief to be able to simply be myself. And my children really appear better too. They are so pleased to have me back rather than numbed out with alcohol."
If you want to stop drinking and can't, you may desire to look closely at what you would have to do to change your situation so that you not have to consume to prevent discomfort.
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